Our Family

The Battle of "You never know..."

2012-02-06T09:09:00.000-08:00

Infertility is a tricky thing.

Often there are very few known factors.

If you're one of the lucky ones, the doctor was able to pinpoint the problem and

deliver a neat and tidy diagnosis.

If you're part of the majority, you're given a list of factors contributing to your infertility.

While any information is great it still leaves room for a whole lot of questions.

Then there's the confusion of the general public about infertility.

From many well-meaning folks you'll get the infamous "Just relax" and

"Maybe it's just not the right time."

But probably the worst is the "You never know..."

Oh you never do know.

Know for certain.

You're never 100% positive that you'll never, ever get pregnant.

You may be 98% sure.

Or even 99% sure.

Or even 99.9999999% sure.

But there's always that small % that whispers "you never know..."

Our lives are filled with "you never know".

You never know if your car will break down.

So you save extra $ in the bank.

You never know if your baby will have a blowout in the grocery store,

so you pack extra clothes and wipes in your diaper bag.

You never know if the world will end tomorrow,

so you store massive amounts food in your basement.

While it's great to be prepared,

if you constantly live in a state of

"you never know"

then what are you missing that you do know?

You're missing on life.

So many well meaning people have told me "you never know".

But if I told myself that every month I'd go crazy.

I'd completely miss out on the joy of what I do know now,

worrying about what I don't know in the future.

Talk about sucking the life out of life, right?

I'll pass.

My friends Jewls recently blogged this which perfectly illustrates how I feel about all this.

Sometimes you do just need to know in order to quiet that little voice and move on.

I do know that Gavin and I will evaluate prayerfully our options as we move forward.

If that leads to us getting pregnant, great!

There'll be a party and you'll all be invited!

If not and our baby comes through a different path, great!

There'll be a party and you'll all be invited!

There are a lot of unknowns ahead and it's exciting.

Maybe we'll find out answers.

Maybe we won't.

Either way, "you never know" can drive you crazy or

it can symbolize the exciting future that surely lies ahead!

Optimism is a Lifestyle

2012-01-27T14:52:00.000-08:00

For the past few months Gavin and I have been discussing and wondering the question,

"now what?"

Going through the five years of fertility tests together and the adoption process all led to our beautiful son Nathan

But I never thought beyond our first child. I felt we'd have more than one kid, but I was so focused on becoming a parent of one that I hadn't given much thought to any child after that.

So to answer our question, we have no idea.

I could lie and say there's no heartache. But of course there is. I'd love to be able to plan (give or take a year) when our children will join our family. I'd love to say there's no panic. But of course there is. I'd love to say I knew this was coming. But I had no idea.

I had no idea that the majority of the emotions we'd felt before Nathan would be back. Not as intense. But there nonetheless. I was not prepared to jump back into the fog of the unknown.

Till recently all I thought of was how wonderful it was that we were finally parents!

But as Nathan gets older its made me stop, look around the room, and wonder when the rest of our family is coming.

And how they're coming.

We have no set plans. No path or direction laid out as of yet.

Except to pray for guidance, pray for patience, and save our pennies. Again.

I guess that's the beautiful part of infertility. To draw near to God in prayer, to humble yourself to patience, and as a couple make sacrifices to bring another special child into our family.

There will be moments of sadness. Moments of fear. But these are just that. Moments in a journey of faith.

And I feel so blessed to be on it.

The Unknown

2011-11-18T07:39:00.000-08:00

[source]

There are so many unknowns when adopting. You don't know what your baby will look like, when they will come, what their story will be. You don't know what the birth parents will be feeling. Or the family of the birth parents. But for me right now, the scariest unknown is I don't know how Nathan will feel about being adopted.

We've met a few adoptees (right terminology?) since deciding to adopt. One of Gavin's grandmothers was adopted. Nathan's birth mom was also adopted. All of these individuals have different feelings about being adopted. Some struggled greatly with being adopted. Some were totally ambivalent. All of them were closed adoptions. I don't personally know anyone grown up who has an open adoption. So what does that mean for Nathan? Will he struggle? Will he not care? I know there's a fine line between him caring for his birth parents and not struggling with being adopted. I have no idea where that line is, but I'd love to hope he'd end up there. Ideally I'd love for him to have a healthy love and respect for his birth parents, while not struggling with the bitter side of adoption.

Right now he jabbers non-stop about everything he sees, but it's still baby jabber. That baby jabber should turn into real talking over the next few months. What questions will he ask? What connections will he make? When he finds out he didn't grow in my tummy but in my heart will he feel special or defective? I haven't worried about these questions until lately, as he moves closer and closer to toddlerhood and real talking. I just hope and pray that Gavin and I can teach him about the miracle of his birth, the beauty of his coming to us, and just how loved he is by all his parents effectively enough to grow up to be a stable young man, secure in knowing that God had a plan for him.

Magic Writer

2011-10-27T18:45:00.000-07:00

So the year prior to Nathan being born saw me enrolled in classes at the local community college,

still plugging away slowly at a degree.

I was enrolled as an English major and was taking a few writing classes.

I remember writing a paper on infertility, using 4 close friends in it and telling the story of their

struggles to get pregnant.

Not a single one of them was pregnant when I wrote that paper.

They all, like I, were dealing with the worry that it might never happen.

Shortly after that paper, two announced they were pregnant!

I was overjoyed for them!
I also had jokingly wondered at the time whether I should've put myself in the paper...

And of course started to attribute their pregnancies to my magical writing skills.

Because recent studies show that college English papers and pregnancy share a
cause and effect relationship.
You didn't know that did you?
Well now you know.

Shortly after our pregnancies were announced, as in a few months later,
we announced our being chosen by Nathan's courageous birth mother E.

Later that winter, the third woman in my paper announced her pregnancy!
I was pretty positive I had magic skills at that moment.

Well imagine my surprise when earlier this year, the final woman in that paper announced her pregnancy!
I was overjoyed for her!
And convinced at that point that my paper did indeed hold magic powers.

I reflected on all this today.
Still laughing to myself about not being written into that paper.
When I suddenly realized-
Sure I hadn't magically become pregnant, like the other women had.
But a mere months after that paper I too had gotten to rejoice in becoming a Mother.
It just struck me today that God knows exactly what He's doing.
I arrived at the same destination, along with the rest of them, but with a different route.
I felt so blessed.
And ready.
Prior to this I have been so apprehensive about Baby #2.
Lovingly referred to Holga at present.
But after thinking about all this today,
I finally feel at peace about whatever God may hold for the future.
This isn't an announcement.
We still have not decided any course of action to add lil Holga (an endearing name, no?) to our family.
But I finally (finally) stopped worrying about it today.

And there was a lotta worry folks.
I remembered all too well the anguish that preceded Nathan's beautiful adoption story.
And I wasn't all too keen about diving back into those waters again.
No siree.
But now I feel ok.
Whew.

Infertility tests?
Pfft.
Adoption paperwork?
Give me a pen.

Remembering that God's in charge today has made me feel at peace.

Hitler Who?

2011-10-13T17:48:00.000-07:00

I was sent this amazing video today.

It's called the 180 Video.

Why?

Because in it, people's hearts do a 180.

I was appalled that some people honestly didn't know who Hitler was.

And I was stunned to see footage of the Holocaust that I had never seen before.

So what's a video about the Holocaust doing on our adoption website?

Because really, it's about abortion.

Please take a minute, or 33, to watch this eye opening video.

Did you know that over 53 million babies have been aborted since Roe vs. Wade?

Astonishing.

And heart-breaking.

Grab a kleenax,

prepare to be appalled at people's ignorance,

and cheer for those whose hearts are changed.

Will yours be?

Why I'm Not Bitter

2011-10-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling the need to blog about this for some time now. But when my sweet friend Jessa posted this, it gave me that final nudge I needed to sit down and type this out.

Once we adopted our lil Nathan, I took a huge step back from the online adoption community.

One, to simply savor finally being a mother. But also because I felt whole now.

N stands for

2011-10-09T19:46:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! The dust is settling from our move and things are starting to feel more homey. I was looking over this blog and decided it was high time I finished my play on A-D-O-P-T-I-O-N.

N stands for Never Giving Up
A lot of us, but not all, embark on the road to adoption due to infertility, I felt that the letter N best could be summed up as never giving up. Never giving up on your dream to become a parent. And never losing faith. Gavin and I actually aren't 100% positive whether we can (with a team of specialists) or cannot get pregnant. But we knew we were supposed to be parents. And in April 2009 we felt strongly we were supposed to become parents through adoption. It was 4 months later we found out some more answers regarding our infertility. Answers that had led to more questions and us wondering again whether we could or could not get pregnant. We searched our hearts at the time and what we knew and decided we'd go forward with faith towards adoption. We had felt so strongly then that there was a lil someone that was out there for us through adoption. We couldn't ignore it and went that route. Through all the paperwork and agonizing wondering we never lost faith and never gave up. After we adopted our lil Nathan (my own lil personal letter N!) I felt a huge relief. We were parents now. And as a result I took a long break from the adoption community. I disconnected and just enjoyed having arrived at the destination I had longed for for so long. Now, as we look forward to a #2, the myriad of questions and emotions have reappeared. Part of me would love to not go through it all again. I felt so completely drained after the first time. But we know our family isn't done. When or how #2 will come to our family I don't know and I'm not really thinking about right now. It's a ways away. I just know that I need to rely on never giving up or losing my faith to keep moving forward.

One Year Ago

2011-08-15T10:29:00.001-07:00

One Year Ago

How time flies!

How is our lil baby already ONE year old?

One year ago Gavin and I left work early to go to Emily's second to last Dr's appt.

Earlier that morning we had discovered she lost her mucus plug (I know I know, ew)

so we were now anticipating his arrival within the next couple days to a week.

Before leaving work that day for the appt, I felt I should finish packing my desk and take my personal belongings, just in case he was born later on in the week or during the weekend

It was a Wednesday so I could have easily taken them home Thurs or Fri,

but I went ahead and did it anyways

Which is good because I didn't go back to work that week

The Drs appt went well.

E was worried he was coming that night.

We didn't get our hopes up & the Dr didn't think he would be coming that soon either.

After the appt we chatted in the parking lot for a good hour

E said it felt like he was pushing down on something

I still didn't get worried

On our way home she texted us that she was possibly having contractions - real ones

I still didn't get worried

I got the feeling I should get everything ready for the hospital, though my brain didn't register why.

I was planning on doing more shopping for him and E after I was done.

I had just finished packing & walked into our room to tell Gavin I was headed to the store when I got a text

"My water just broke we are waiting for my dad"

It was 5:02pm

I told Gavin "Just kidding change of plans! Her water just broke! We're going to the hospital!"

I called her to see what the plan was and the poor woman was IN FULL LABOR

and screaming in pain

but had enough in her to let me know the plan

We'd meet her there, she was waiting for her Dad to get home.

We hopped in the car and started to drive when I thought, maybe we should get some snacks? you never know how long these things take!

-Yeah, my stomach is pretty important-

We decided to head to a Smith's that happened to also be in the direction of her parents house, and away from the direction of the hospital.

As we were walking into the store she called me again

still screaming in pain, she asked if we could pick her up & drive her there since her Dad wasn't home yet & she was worried he would come en route if we didn't get moving!

We ran back to the car and sped (and I do mean sped, through a construction zone no less) over there

We got to her and I helped a woman in full labor into the car

That was an experience

I've never felt so bad for our sex than seeing her like this!

Poor E was worried about the possibility of getting, er, bodily fluids on our car seats.

HA!

I told her I really didn't care but let's not get the BABY on the car seat

We again sped

(sped as in I'm honestly surprised we didn't get in a wreck. The car felt almost aerodynamic. Not our safest day as drivers)

And got to the hospital a lot faster than should be physically possible

We drove up to the door and got her into a wheelchair

Gavin parked the car while I ran/wheeled her into the hospital

She's still in labor during this the poor thing & freaking out that he's coming soon

The nurse has her change into their highly fashionable no-back gowns and get her on the bed to check her

She was dilated to a NINE

She started crying and it hit me a second later why

NO MEDS!

I felt so bad for her!

She was already in so much pain

and now to find out she has to do it natural?!

I promise this woman has a wall of gold stars in heaven

The nurses were trying to call the Dr, who'd already left for the day, while getting everything in the room ready

All of a sudden E yelled that she needed to push

I don't think the nurses believed her

So she yelled again

You'd really think they would have listened the first time

A second later a different Dr showed up and got her ready to push

Uhm, if I hadn't felt bad for our sex before I definitely did then.

About 3 - 4 pushes later and he was crowning

She wanted to stop

I don't blame her

But since he wasn't going back in she had to push again!

1-2 pushes later he was out and on her chest and looking gray/purple and slimy

They whisked him away to the warming table to get cleaned and warm

And my whole world stopped

It was the weirdest thing I'd ever experienced

I'm not sure what Gavin had felt at that moment

Because everything else in the room had disappeared for me

All I saw was this little orange haired baby, crying on the warming table.

I walked over and gave him my finger

Which he promptly took and squeezed

And that was it

I was a Mommy

We honestly can't believe it's already been a year.

Where did that little baby go?

Instead of the little tiny baby that used to sleep on our chests

He's now a 3-tooth pretoddler who loves to eat anything we eat and loves to climb stairs

He loves Elmo, teddy bears, Curious George, and puppies

He loves to pull earrings, hair, and the glasses off your face

He loves to splash in the bath tub and to brush his teeth

He fills our home with little growls and giggles

And as of a couple weeks ago, now kisses Mommy and Daddy ever so shyly

And then will growl at us if we beg for more

It has been an amazing first year together

We feel so blessed at the miracle that was brought into our lives!

Be Back Soon!

2011-06-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

Hello Readers!

We're in the midst of a crazy cross-country move right now.

I'll start posting again once we're settled into our new home!

Thanks everyone!

Birth Mother and Mother

2011-05-07T22:30:00.000-07:00

We love Nathan's birth mom, I can't say that enough.
We feel so incredibly blessed to have her in our lives.
Not just because she's the angel that blessed us with the gift of parenthood,
but for who she is!

I've been reflecting today on our first Birth Mother's Day and Mother's Day since Nathan came into our lives.
I've decided I'm in the camp that wants to celebrate & honor her on both days.
Birth Mother's Day, to honor her brave choice to plan Nathan in our arms.
And Mother's Day because she was Nathan's Mother first.
And she did a dang good job of taking care of him.
Just like I try to do every day!

So Emily - we're happy to celebrate you as both!

Happy Birth Mother's Day!

And

Happy Mother's Day!

Love you!


Always stylin' & smilin'. Even after a rushed 12 minute-no drug labor!

Saying Goodbye - a super hard day

But I freakin' loved his onsie & couldn't wait for her to see it

Pre-birth: Love this girl!

Happy to share Nathan's sealing day with her! It made it even more special!

Adoption Rocks.

My favorite picture ever.

8 months after placement

The card reads: "If I know what love is, it is because of you."

NIAW: Bust a Myth

2011-04-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, it's National Infertility Awareness Week.

This week RESOLVE has issued a challenge to bust an infertility myth to help spread awareness and educate others.

I wasn't sure I was going to do it, since there are already so many blogs out there, including this one, that have addressed so many of the myths already.

But after reading some of my friend's blogs I realized there are still some myths I can address.

1. Infertility is a real disease, not a worry-induced state that's preventing conception. Infertility is very real and people aren't going to claim infertility unless there's medical reasons behind it. So please know that when a couple comes out and says their infertile that they've already worked with doctors to determine that there are very real medical causes for not being able to get pregnant. And all those causes do not end up being solved by relaxing or taking a cruise :)

2. Infertility is a real obstacle to becoming pregnant, no matter which half of the couple has it. My most recent pet peeve is I've noticed that when a woman claims infertility, the world shows no sympathy and starts offering all their advice on what to do to get pregnant. It seems people are completely unwilling to believe that a woman may be infertile and unable to have kids. But, when it's the male counterpart that's infertile people immediately drop the subject and accept that the couple is indeed infertile. WHY? Why is infertility more condemning for the male than the female? Why is there more acceptance of the couple's plight when male infertility is involved? In our case people would not stop telling me to relax and I'd get pregnant. Or the famous now that you've adopted you'll be able to get pregnant. But as soon as people find out that our infertility is a shared challenge, then the advice stops. Please please please, recognize that infertility for a woman is just as much of a disease and a medical hindrance to getting pregnant as it is for a man.

3. Infertile couples are super touchy. If you read any infertile couple's blog it can seem that it's full of complaints of people saying the wrongs things or not saying the right thing. It seems there's no right thing to say to a couple struggling with infertility. You're inconsiderate if you open your mouth and inconsiderate if you don't it seems. Please know that despite our frustrations with the lack of education surrounding infertility, most of us vent these frustrations only on our blogs. And try to do so in a calm educated manner so as not to cause offense. All the couples I've met, including Gavin and I, mostly bite our tongues when faced with hurtful comments. If anything, I've learned patience, understanding, and meekness during our trials of infertility. We obviously know that most comments are meant with no ill will towards us. But we use the medium of blogging to correct and educate wrong assumptions regarding infertility.

Gavin and I feel incredibly blessed to have such supportive family and friends surrounding us during the difficult trials of infertility. Hearing other couple's stories, any hurtful comments or questions posed to us have been pretty mild or average in comparison to some.

So, THANK YOU!

Now get out there and bust an infertility myth! ;)

Looking for their second lil angel

2011-04-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

I love to help spread the word for people who are adopting! Thanks to the word of mouth and blogging we have Nathan. I am so excited for my friend Jewls as they embark on the adoption journey once more!

Meet the Andreasens!

Well, hello! We are Lance, Julie and Zachary. We're a happy family, blessed by adoption. We love long walks on the beach, sunsets...errr...wrong post, sorry! ;) We DO love walks to the park, hiking, and anything outside! We love to play games, watch movies, and hang out with family. We love all kinds of sports. Lance especially loves basketball, soccer and golf, and Julie loves to run. We have very active lifestyles and hope to pass that on to our children.

We were married in 2007, and 'Z' joined our family in 2010 thanks to his courageous birth mom. We have an open adoption and we LOVE it. Zachary's birth mom is one of the most amazing people we know and we love having her in our lives. We are excited to be starting the adoption process again so that Z can be a big brother! Although life hasn't turned out like we planned, it is better than we ever imagined it! We're thankful every day to be a part of adoption, because it truly has blessed our lives.

We'd love to get to know you! Come visit us on our adoption blog, our everyday blog, or send us an email (lance-julie@hotmail.com)!

Much Love,
The Andreasens

O is for Optimism

2011-04-08T11:29:00.000-07:00

Optimism is a must for life, but a huge must for anyone going through infertility or adoption.

To put it point blank, the odds are against you ever becoming a parent.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the number of married women (between ages 15-44) who struggle with any kind of infertility is 2.1 million.

2.1 million

And that's not even including the men folk.

Then there's the odds of being able to adopt a newborn

(if you're like us and didn't want to go severely into debt)

According to the site Adoption Under One Roof, for every newborn available for adoption there are an estimated 10+ families hoping to adopt them.

And the waiting period can vary hugely.

So optimism is essential during this process.

For us, maintaining optimism meant stop focusing on what we couldn't control:

like when the baby came

And to focus on what we could control:

like spreading the word that we were adopting

recruiting others to Team Holt to spread the word

blogging

getting awesome photos taken of us for pass along cards

networking with other infertile/adopting couples

etc

We also enjoyed doing things as a couple for "the last time for a while", knowing that we could still have a while till we were picked.

But it made all our fun times during "waiting" that much more meaningful.

There is so much you can do to maintain productivity while you're "waiting" and thereby maintain a sense of optimism for the future!

I is for Inspiration

2011-04-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

I had come up with the idea for this series back in November 2010 and thankfully had written down what every letter in ADOPTION means to me.

Today I feel it especially fitting for me to be on the letter "I" because I feel that "I" in adoption stands for Inspiration.

It's fitting because I was blessed to hopefully be of help to someone today in sharing facts and our adoption story.

Today I was told of my friend's younger sister, a girl who has just turned 15 and is pregnant.

She is considering abortion as one of her options and her loving older sister has been talking to her about adoption.

My heart goes out to this young girl and her family.

I can only imagine what they all must be feeling!

I was ecstatic to be able to express my love for adoption and

discuss our open relationship with Nathan's birth mother.

We love adoption!

So with those things in my mind I feel that,

I is for Inspiration

It's been almost exactly 2 years since my husband and I prayed as a family and decided to adopt. We had been struggling to get pregnant for nearly 5 years. We'd been through lots of tests and there would be more to come later that year.

It was after spring General Conference during our Family Home Evening that Gavin said he wanted to "talk" to me. Of course, I was nervous! What could he be so serious about? He then told me for quite some time he'd been feeling like we needed to adopt. I was stunned. Floored more like it. We had already both thought about adopting in the future, you know after we had had kids of our "own". I hadn't considered starting our family with adoption.

Remarkably I had been visiting teaching a mere five days before this to a woman who adopted one of her sons and whose daughter-in-law cannot bear children of her own and has adopted two children now. I was so touched by the story of her daughter-in-law's first adoption that I remarked something along the lines that "Families are supposed to be together no matter how they come together."

When Gavin brought up us adopting my mind immediately reflected back to my statement to that woman. We then prayed as a family if this was really what our Heavenly Father wanted for us. I felt so strongly that He had a specific child that was supposed to come to our family. I was overwhelmed. Of course, I cried.

During the adoption process we felt inspired of more choices we had to make regarding Nathan's adoption, as well as our interaction with Nathan's birth mom. Believe you me, we were on our knees quite a bit!

I'd say absolutely that every adoption story starts and

is filled with continuous inspiration, to all parties involved.

From the birth mother's decision to adopt,

to choosing the couple,

to the couple choosing to adopt,

to what agency they choose, etc.

Adoption is an absolutely beautiful experience. No matter what side you are on, there is bitter and there is sweet. But throughout the road there is inspiration from a loving God throughout the way.

Moving

2011-03-31T06:47:00.000-07:00

Sorry, this isn't a post about where/when we're moving

but rather Nathan's new found ability to move anywhere he wants!

Last night he seems to have figured out how to roll everywhere!

To where he wants,

and to what he wants.

Cue need to maintain a floor free of clutter!

We've never had to do that before :\

Last night Gavin turned his back and when he turned to Nathan he was across the floor and chewing on Daddy's booklet from a company (dadada)

This guy moves FAST!

And he knows what he wants.

Nothing is safe.

Not even a basket full of clean laundry.

I have a feeling from here on out I'm going to be on my toes!

As for our family moving, we're still working some things out so no publishing of plans as of yet.

I'm hoping we have everything figured out by the end of next week! YAY!

It's so cute!

Looking back to see God's Hand

2011-03-07T08:24:00.000-08:00

It's nice to look back at the process of adopting Nathan and see some interesting things.

We decided to adopt in April 2009. A couple months later I decided to start a private blog to record our experiences and thoughts. Once we made our plans public I created this blog and ceased to write on the other one.

I re-read the old blog and came across something interesting.

Now knowing E's side of the story, it's been interesting to compare what was happening with her with what we were going through at the same time.

For instance, I came across this post logged in our journal:

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Nothing New, So I’m Blue

The title says it all. No news to report as far as our baby progress goes. But! Stayin positive right? We did receive our first baby present last night!

Two days later, E found out she was pregnant with Nathan.

At the time I assumed we were still far away from becoming parents. How grateful I am to know now that God was already working on bringing us together to E and to Nathan.

Dawning Realizations

2011-03-06T12:52:00.000-08:00

Today was Nathan's baby blessing at our church and what a beautiful sweet experience that was to top off a great week!

Of course, I cried. Of course. My emotions have been very much on the surface this week. Gavin and I feel overwhelmingly blessed and we've had some "dawning realizations" today.

Dawning Realization Uno:
We feel free(?), for lack of a better word. We realized that we are done with all the process of making Nathan our son. There are no more steps from here. No more following up with our attorney or scheduling appointments. It feels weird. But we feel as if we've finally arrived at the point most couples do when they bring their baby home from the hospital. We feel as if a huge weight has been lifted as we look to the future and realize that's it! Only parenthood from here on out! We are so excited!

Bring on the joys that parenthood offers! He's ours!

Dawning Realization Dos:
Gavin pointed out today that it will be 2 years next month since we started on our adoption journey to Nathan.

TWO YEARS

I couldn't believe it. In reality everything seemed to have happened so fast. And indeed, in the adoption world we were picked and he was placed quicker than the norm. I just couldn't believe it had been 2 years that we went from this:

mailing off our adoption paperwork, July 2009
Don't we look nervous?

to this:

Dawning Realization Tres:
Uhm, if it took 2 years to get Nathan, who like I said was placed with us super quick, does that mean we should have started on adopting Baby Holga/Butch yesterday? (author would like to affirm that she has better taste than to honestly name her children Holga, Butch, Eunice, Bob, and Buttkiss. That is all.)

Dawning Realization Cuatro:
Baby Holga/Butch is in the Lord's hands and I'm gonna say "Hakuna Matata" for now and trust that He has things under control.

Whew, thank heavens for dawning realizations huh? :)

Sealing the Deal

2011-03-05T21:09:00.000-08:00

Today we "sealed the deal" as today was Nathan's sealing day in the Jordan River Temple.

Together Forever!

What added to the beautiful experience was Nathan's birthmom was there waiting for us when we were done.

We felt so blessed to have her there. We feel such peace having such a great relationship with her. We really feel strongly that open adoption is the way to go, if possible, for anyone thinking about adoption. What better gift could either of his parents, biological and adopted, give their child than a healthy open relationship with his biological family?

open adoption = love

As we've navigated through what open adoption would mean for all of us, it felt so good to step back today and think that we've arrived at where I'd hope we be, at what I had hoped and imagined our relationship would be. I felt like it was a day of closure for us. We were finally done with the adoption process. Done!

There were so many times today I looked down at him in wonder that he was our son, as if he had been born to us. All thanks to one incredible woman who followed her heart and her head to give him the greatest gift she could, and simultaneously ended up giving us something we could not give ourselves. We truly feel so blessed, more than words can adequately express.

We love this photo because of the words in the background (oh and the adorable baby isn't bad either). We feel we owe everything to our Lord, Jesus Christ. We know where our blessings come from and we acknowledge His hand in our lives. Neither of us feel we deserve to be this happy or blessed with such a perfect son but we're glad God seems to feel differently!

Thanks again to everyone who gave their support to us over the past several years as we walked the bumpy road God gave us to welcome Nathan into our lives. Thanks also to all those who have welcomed him into their hearts. And finally, thanks to everyone who came today! We love you all!

This...

2011-03-05T15:11:00.000-08:00

is what open adoption is all about.

Gavin, Me, Nathan, and his wonderful birthmom

More to follow, of course :)

Nathan's Adoption Finalization - a great start to the month of March

2011-03-04T15:32:00.000-08:00

Early this morning we headed downtown to finalize Nathan's adoption into our family! We were so excited and we all wore our Sunday best for the occasion.

Isn't he handsome? :)

Court was ...court. The judge was rushed but amiable. There was another adoption he was doing that morning and they were late, so afterwards we were quickly ushered out of the courtroom to let them in. Hence no judge picture. But one thing he said I'll always remember. He said we were finalizing what was already official in our homes and hearts a long time ago. And that's exactly how we felt.

Since we didn't get any pictures at the courthouse we decided to walk around Temple Square to get some photos. (on occasions like these I ask myself why we don't wear tennis shoes with skirts?? I hate heels!)

I love Daddy-Nathan moments :)

haha-getting ready for Saturday, knocking on the Salt Lake Temple

"Oooh a doorknob"

We absolutely love this picture!


Legal and Lawfully Family

After walking around we took lil man to Build-A-Bear for his very first teddy bear that was "born" the day he became an official member of our family! Once we got home I caught some pics with him and "Teddy" :)

nom nom

Of course we bought the BYU tee for the bear! Are you suprised? ;)

It's so weird to think that we're done with the adoption part now! But we're so happy to have him officially part of our little family!

Giveaway Winner!

2011-03-02T07:33:00.000-08:00

Congrats "Ryan" and "mommamoo"! You are the winners of our Giveaway!

I'll ship out your book soon (mommamoo I'll see you Saturday haha)

Thanks everyone for the well wishes and congrats!

To prove I didn't cheat or show any bias :)

Legally and Lawfully...

2011-03-01T15:02:00.000-08:00

A Family!

This morning we went to the courthouse downtown to finalize Nathan's adoption. It was wonderful to walk out thinking "It's official!".

I will post more of the day's story later but I first wanted to celebrate our blog going public! Hooray!

So how about a giveaway?

How about a book? Or even better, a book about adoption? :)

My fabulous friend Ashley wrote this book and she sent me some to give away to YOU! She was even sweet enough to sign the inside cover!

Reading this story the first time made me teary because it matches our story to adopt Nathan so much. I hope you will enjoy it!

I have two copies to giveaway and you can win! All you have to do is leave a comment offering congratulations to us (haha) or something about your own families. Easy enough right?

I'll close this tonight at midnight- it's a short giveaway - and I'll announce the winners tomorrow.

Good Luck!

Giveaway Winner!

2011-02-09T10:26:00.000-08:00

Oops! I totally spaced this on Monday, and I had even written it on my calendar! Sorry!

The winner is.... Tati!

To prove I didn't cheat or act in any bias :)

Congrats! Jessa from Memories Remixed will contact you to set up your free photoshoot!

Thanks to all those who participated!

Giveaway- Memories Remixed Photoshoot!

2011-02-01T16:25:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! Today is a fantastic day! You know why?

Because I'm doing my very first Giveaway!

Remember our awesome family photos we got recently? If not, here's a reminder:

Our photos were taken by the fabulous Jessa Bills from Memories Remixed. She does a fabulous job on all her photo shoots and is very accommodating to your schedule.

We love her!

So to celebrate her awesomeness we're doing a photoshoot giveaway!

To enter:

1. Simply leave a comment sharing a favorite family tradition you have.

2. Like Memories Remixed Facebook page

It's that easy!
Oh, and you must be in Utah to enter :)

Make sure to include your email address so I can email you the details after you've won.

Giveaway ends Sunday Feb 6th at midnight MST

I'll announce the winner on Monday Feb 7th!

T is for Time

2011-01-31T22:11:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone! It's been a while but I'm trying to be a better blogger. It's one of my New Year's goals. You know, one of those goals you forget about till the end of January when you say, Oh yeah! I was going to do (insert forgotten goal here).

So in that vein I was looking over my blog and realized I need to finish my posts on ADOPTION.

So without further ado, T is for Time.

I think if you're connected with adoption this goes without saying. Although heading into adoption I have to be honest and say that I was rather naive as to how much time adoption can take. The folks at LDSFS were very good at clearing that up rather quickly. So were other couples I talked to. I heard stories of it taking years to find their lil one and complete the adoption. I soon realized what we were in for.

Then I met a couple that had been chosen within the month that they were approved. I could only think of how incredibly lucky they were and how I hoped beyond hope our story would follow likewise. Deep down, I told myself not to expect it. After 5 years of set backs and disappointments who was I to think we'd get so lucky?

Then I realized something incredible about adoption time.

T doesn't stand for my time I realized. It stands for the Lord's time.

Every couple I talked to was blessed to adopt the child/children that the Lord intended for them. For some, that meant years of waiting to be chosen by whom the Lord was inspiring. For others, the time was now or much sooner.

Time is an incredible teacher. It's a teacher of faith, of patience, and of relying on the Lord that it's all in His hands.

Is this hard? Oh you betcha. Is it worth it? Absolutely.

Most couples receive the joyous blessing of only waiting 9 months to receive their little angels.But for others like Gavin and myself, it takes longer. It involves Him inspiring the hearts of brave women and men, directing them to the couples He has chosen to raise the precious child they carry.

To you and me, time is measured in calendars, day planners, and clocks. We set alarms, make dates, schedule appointments.

God's time is different. He softens hearts, whispers inspiration, moves people toward the right places and the right Time.

And then the pieces fall into place.

For us, we were chosen 4 months after being approved to adopt. We were overjoyed but surprised. Being the cynic that I am (my bad) I had expected to be in for the long haul.

But God knew exactly who was supposed to come to our family. And He knew exactly when. While we were filling out paperwork, he was instructing a brave young woman.

When I match the events on our side of the timeline to Nathan's birth mother it's astounding to think of what was going on, but I had no idea.

And it's like that for every one of us.

Every one who is waiting for something, or someone, there's a loving Heavenly Father pulling the pieces together. The right person, the right time, and the right place.

T in adoption is indeed for Time. But the beautiful lesson I learned is it's not my time, or your time, or the neighbor down the street's time. It His time and he's mindful of all of us.

a couple pages from life

2011-01-23T15:33:00.000-08:00

I've recently been inspired to get back into digital scrapbooking (which I love).

Creating pages for the photos we have since Nathan arrived has brought some sweet feelings and memories. Gavin and I were reminiscing the other day of back when Nathan only wanted to sleep on our chests. It was not "fun" to sleep on a small couch but having that lil guy curled up soundly on your chest was. We miss him being that little but love him even more in the stage he's at right now! Baby food, teething, and all.

Here are a couple pages from our life that I thought I'd share:

Happy 2011!

2011-01-21T13:21:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year (belated) from our family to yours!

It's going to be an exciting year for the Holt's! We found out the first week of March is our court finalization date and we are going to the temple to be sealed as a family for time and all eternity! We are so excited!

Lil man learns more tricks every day, or almost every day lol. He's now discovered he can twist to reach toys near his head, he likes to backdive off his boppy to see what's behind him (I have to restrain him from completely diving off), he's learning to clap his hands and loves it, he's eating baby food now (yay!)-supplemented with formula still, and he's finally jumping a little bit in his Johnny Jump Up. Whew! He's one busy lil guy! We love him so!

Speaking of busy, Gavin is busily writing his thesis and I'm busily engaged in taking care of the both of them! Besides Mama duties this includes editing his thesis. (why can't I get some academic credit for this?) It's a busy time of life but we love it and wouldn't want it any other way!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-14T10:18:00.000-08:00

From our family to yours!

Photography by Jessa: Memories Remixed

A Dream Come True

2010-12-01T10:33:00.000-08:00

This is the story of a Christmas stocking.

I don't remember where on earth I got this little stocking from. Probably with a gift or stuffed with candy at work or something. But over the years this little stocking has come to represent our hope that one day we'd have a lil tyke to add a third stocking for. Every year when I'd get out our Christmas decor I'd see this little stocking and hope silently that next year would be the year.

I made his snowman stocking! It's as big as he is lol

This year we're a 3 stocking family! We couldn't be happier or more excited!

I came across that little stocking again this year and it made me reflect on everything that's happened over the years, especially within the last 6 months. I don't care what Santa brings me, he can't top what E brought us this year for Christmas!

We love you E!

Happy December 1st everyone!

Dear Baby Holt,

2010-11-23T10:28:00.000-08:00

Since you're my son, your first word should probably be "woot". You may want to start working on that. "Daddy" or "Mommy" are acceptable alternatives. I'm afraid you're learning "hi" since I say it to you all the time. I'll try to help steer you in the right direction by using "woot" more frequently.

Love, Mommy XOXO

P is for Prayer...And PATIENCE

2010-11-18T14:32:00.000-08:00

I had originally chosen Prayer for this letter, but thinking about it more Patience seems to fit too.

Prayer goes without saying when embarking on adoption. It starts with prayers for a child, then prayers if you should adopt, then prayers about which agency to use, then prayers about that dang what-kind-of-child-would-you-like form, then prayers that it will happen "soon", then prayers to get you through the waiting game, then prayers if this child is meant for you, then prayer upon prayer of gratitude when IT happens.

So prayer is definitely a huge part of adoption.

But Patience-

Patience, that often elusive virtue all of us mean to acquire one day.

Yes patience has had a huge role in our road to parenthood.

I recently came across a blog post that explains what the whole process is like here. Feel free to read it. It gives a true insight to what it's like to be on this side of the fence.

There are many things I'm grateful for that our path to parenthood has taught me and one of them is patience.

I used to be notoriously impatient. But trying to become parents through adoption and dealing with infertility is definitely a "hurry up and wait" game.

First you have patience as month after month you are not pregnant.
Then you have patience as doctors put you and your spouse through test after test to try and determine the problem.
Then patience as you fill out the massive amounts of paperwork to adopt.
Then patience waiting for your background check to come through (all the while grateful that you never committed any serious crimes lol)
Then, patience to be chosen by a birth mother.

To me, this was the hardest part. Because I really just had to wait. And hope. And pray. And wait. And as Inigo Montoya said "I hate waiting." There wasn't anything I could do to speed this part up, except advertise more. Spread the word more. Blog more. And wait.

Gavin and I have often talked about the road that led us to Nathan and we wouldn't change it for anything. Even before Nathan came into our lives we felt blessed to have been given the opportunity to go down this road. It's by no means been easy. Or always pleasant. But there are so many things we've learned that just aren't worth trading for anything.

I feel like I've got a much better handle on this patience thing than I did 5 years ago. I know things happen in the time they're supposed to. Life doesn't accept your own dictation, but goes by what the Master calls. And as always, He knew exactly what we needed :)

O is for Openness

2010-11-16T19:46:00.000-08:00

I've thought a lot about what I might say about Open Adoption. And this is a tender subject to me, but one that we're still learning how to define and what we're comfortable with. Let's see if I can get through this :)

O is for Openness
Open Adoption is different for everyone. At it's most basic level it may mean letters and photos in set parameters of time.

That's all we had planned before we met E.

After we met E things changed. Once August hit I realized I was starting to feel sad if I couldn't see or text or talk to E anymore after he was born. For a while I didn't know what to do about it. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable with pushing her into something she maybe didn't want. After weeks of feeling this way I finally broke it to her. I was SO happy when she said she felt the same way!

Openness for us means the following:
-texting E pictures and updates as they come along
-having E over to visit
-being able to turn to E as a friend
-adopting E's parents as a third set of grandparents for Nathan (couldn't help it, they're adorable!)
-wanting Nathan to grow up knowing his half sister, along with E and her parents
-sending photos and gifts to E
-having Nathan "call" E to leave grunting messages and squeal at her in the phone
-cherishing our relationship with E and her role in bringing Nathan to us

Someone once cautioned me before Nathan was born about how close E and I had become. They said: "You know you don't have to share him right?" I didn't understand what she meant at first. Then I replied, "Yes I know." I know what she meant. And I've seen other adoption bloggers address it. Open adoption isn't co-parenting. I know there's a difference between sharing the parental role for Nathan and sharing his life with her. But you know what? I couldn't imagine not sharing Nathan's life with our E. She means too much to us for us to forget her or leave her behind. So for us, Open Adoption means sharing our joy with E. Sharing those precious moments and inviting her into our lives. It means we love her for who she is and care about her. It means we're concerned when things aren't going right for her or she's sad. It means we can't wait to tell her what new developmental stage he's entered or how he learned to open his fist.

It means we're not afraid to share Nathan's love with her. We have pictures of them together in his baby book. We have her letter to us saved for him to read. We have precious text messages between us recorded so he can grow up knowing how special she is.

To us, that is what Open Adoption means.

D is for Decisions

2010-11-10T19:07:00.000-08:00

First let me sincerely apologize for being gone so long! We've taken turns having the flu over here (thankfully Nathan was excluded) and it's taken me a while to get back to my blogs. I've been so inspired reading others' adoption themed posts that it spurred me to come back and continue my A-D-O-P-T-I-O-N string.

So...

D is for Decisions
I think everybody can understand this one. Adoption is full of decisions from start to "finish". First was our decision to adopt. I remember it was April 2009 that at the end of Family Home Evening one night Gavin said in a serious tone that he wanted to talk to me about something. I remember being terrified because he's normally not that serious (we're very much kids at heart still in our house). We talked of adoption that night and I admit I cried. I felt like our failure to produce our own offspring was final. We prayed about it that night and there was no doubt in either of our minds, despite any misgivings of our own we may have had, that adoption was the road we were supposed to be on at that time.

Our next decision was what route to adopt were we going to take? Come to find out, there's several ways to adopt that are available. After a lot of research we chose to go through LDS Family Services. We started the paperwork and started to feel excited.

Our next decision was one of privacy. We decided we were not going to tell anyone we were adopting until we were picked or had achieved something a bit substantial in the process. After 5 years of comments, questions, and well meaning prodding we were done with broadcasting our road to parenthood.

Our next decision was what kind of child we wanted to adopt. Can you imagine the weight of that decision for a second? You're given a paper listing everything from gender to ethnicities, to diseases and handicaps. As if you're ordering a baby. That form was really hard for us to fill out. We decided to be extremely open to whatever came our way. We figured with any opportunity to adopt we would pray about it to see if it was right for us. We didn't have any scruples with ethnicity. Loves comes in all colors. But the handicaps and diseases were harder. We wanted to be the best parents we could be and had to analyze the care needed for each one. It was hard. There were a few we decided would not be a good fit for us, for the child's sake, because they would need care we couldn't give. It was so hard.

The next decision we had to make was how open did we want our adoption to be? We had the opportunity to attend a weekend seminar by LDS Family Services where we got to hear of different kinds of open adoptions. That was a huge blessing for us and completely wiped away any fears or misgivings we had about an open adoption. We know preferred an open adoption after that as it seemed the healthiest option for everyone involved.

The next decision we had to make was whether to tell our family or not. It was around Christmas time and we were pretty much approved to adopt. We decided that was a big enough step to tell everyone we were adopting. I admit, I underestimated our families and friends. I fully expected the worst. Instead I was shamefully surprised and touched by everyone's excitement. It was a relief! (Plus I'm none so good at keeping my own secrets lol)

The next decision really didn't come until we were notified of E, our birth mother (our fabulous radizzle birth mother thank you very much!) Thankfully, this one required little to no thought. As soon as I met her and talked with her I knew. By the way I felt I knew. It was an amazing experience that I'll treasure always, meeting our E.

This is our own story and every adoption story is different. But they're all filled with decisions the family has to make. It can be quite stressful, navigating through decisions, paperwork, background checks, laws, etc.

But it's absolutely worth it :)

A-D-O-P-T-I-O-N

2010-11-02T19:59:00.000-07:00

In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month I decided to do one of those acronym thingies (technical term anyone?) where you pick a word each letter stands for. I'm going to be writing about this over the next 9 days so bear with me!

A- Adventure
D- Decisions
O- Openness
P- Prayer
T- Time
I- Inspiration
O- Optimism
N- Never giving up

A stands for Adventure
As I thought about the adoption process, it's definitely an adventure. Isn't starting a family an adventure for everyone? This adventure of becoming parents had several twists and turns for us. Like any newly married couple we soon decided we wanted to make the leap to parenthood. 4 years later, along with multiple fertility tests, tears, and heartache, we felt that adoption was the route Heavenly Father intended for us to take. Looking back, we both feel so blessed to have been able to participate in this amazing adventure called Adoption. Ours seems like a whirlwind once we were approved to adopt. Though we had been longing to become parents for 5 years we felt very nervous about becoming parents with only 2 months notice! We felt blessed, but definitely nervous :)

To anyone else out there longing to become a parent or who is in the middle of their adoption adventure, keep going! Everyone's story has a happy ending, just a different timeline!

Happy Halloween! (The End of October, Finally)

2010-11-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

I've never been much of a Halloween fan, BUT I am a fan of dressing up Nathan in costume! Here's some pics of our adorable lil giraffe!

so adorable!

lol I have no idea what was going on in this picture but it's so funny!

National Adoption Awareness Month!

2010-11-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

The R House issued a challenge to blog every day something about adoption in the month of November, since it's National Adoption Awareness Month. I'm so excited to get to participate in National Adoption Awareness Month this year! I suppose I could have last year but we were still keeping our adoption plans on the DL last year (look how far we've come!)

I'm all willing to take the challenge but 30 days about adoption? Heck, 30 posts in one month is a new feat for me! This will definitely require me to take my blogging more seriously.

So, ....

Just a couple words about Adoption...

I can't think of a sweeter miracle that has ever blessed my life than the sweet miracle of adoption that has brought our Nathan to us. I was playing with him yesterday when I realized I really can't imagine this lil guy being anywhere else but with us. We have E to thank for all eternity for listening to the promptings of the Spirit and bringing this lil Angel to our family. What a treasure it is to be a parent!

Even though our journey to Baby #1 is (almost) at an end, I feel in the future we'll be blessed to embark on this journey again for future Baby Holt's :)

So, what can YOU do to help others adopt?

1. Word of Mouth: the biggest help you can be for someone you know who is adopting is to help spread the word to people you know. Whether its through conversation, blogging, etc this is a huge help! So many couples I know were united with their children through word of mouth. Ours was through a blog post by a friend... that our attorney saw... who contacted E, and the rest is history. So please help out your friends and loved ones by letting others know!

2. Be sensitive: If you know someone who is trying to adopt, please be sensitive! It's a hard process to go through, with a lot of waiting (and who among us likes to wait?). I cannot stress this enough. Families trying to adopt need lots of love and support and little to no advice, well meaning sentiments, etc. Trust me, less said is probably the better route to take! Also, read up on adoption, the process, and laws in your state. That way you will be able to offer an educated shoulder to lean on, which is very appreciated!

3. Pray: Prayers are always appreciated by those trying to adopt! The one thing I never got tired of hearing throughout this was that we were in other people's prayers. It's a sweet sentiment that can't be misunderstood :)

New Pictures!

2010-10-21T19:06:00.000-07:00

Had to share these! I just can't get over how CUTE he is! :)

Update on my Sister-in-law's search for a Princess!

2010-10-08T15:29:00.000-07:00

Here's her brand spanking new adoption blog!

http://kj-prayingforaprincess.blogspot.com/

Please go over and show her some love! She's still adding things but so far I think it looks great!

Thanks everyone!

A Favor

2010-10-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

To all my adoption friends I have made through the wonderful tool of the web-

My sister-in-law and her husband are trying to adopt a little girl and are still searching for her. You all have been such a help to me with your love, support, blog comments, etc. I was hoping to ask you head over to her blog and show her the same support I have so generously received. We're all in this together!

Here's her blog link:
http://jennspieceofheaven.blogspot.com/

Thank you SO much!

Simil-crap

2010-10-03T20:04:00.000-07:00

The title should say it all. If you haven't already heard about the Similac formula recall, well we're part of it!

I had luckily saved all our formula cans and containers to reuse so we were able to go to their website and check out the serial number. Well, the large container we had been using was contaminated! Which totally explains why for a couple of weeks he had major tummy pains, would scream in pain, and couldn't poop hardly at all! Needless to say I was livid!!! I'm not your sue happy type of gal but BUT they're just lucky there were no lasting effects because that might have gone down differently! No wonder he was in pain- apparently infant digestive systems can't digest beetles. Go figure. (seeing RED here!)

Anyways, they're sending us a refund and we're happy to announce that he's now a pooping machine! Instead of being clogged up we can't get him to stop! lol We finally know what it's like to go through a lotta baby wipes.

Anyone else have a run-in with the beetle Similac?

6 Weeks into Parenthood

2010-09-27T17:00:00.000-07:00

I have not blogged in forever! But then my days are very different than what they used to be! As I've previously blogged, taking a shower is a big deal still. Hopefully as we head into our 7th week of parenthood Mr. Nathan will be sleeping for longer stretches of time which = more time Mommy has to do things, Yay!

Don't get me wrong, I love days where all I do is hold him, feed him, and change him (I did wait 5 years for this after all) but, there are definitely moments where I'd appreciate the time to clean my kitchen, shower, work out, etc. That will come with time I guess (right? right?)

Here are some recent photos of our handsome Nathan :) We sure do love him!

Ha, Paradise Redefined

2010-09-02T23:22:00.000-07:00

We've all been scammed. You may have been told false descriptions of paradise. You may have been told paradise looked something like this:

Or this:

Lies, all lies!

Let me enlighten you to the truth of paradise my friends.

Firstly, paradise isn't a physical place. It's not a secluded tropical island somewhere in the Caribbean. There's no empty hammock serenely swinging in the breeze. That, is retirement my friends.

Paradise is in fact right in your own homes. It's having a tiny baby completely dependent on you for everything. It's a baby who prefers to sleep in your arms rather than their own bed. It's a baby who screams like their heart is breaking when they're constipated.

In Paradise, you don't sleep. Only babies have that privilege, but then they're too young to know they're in paradise. The women in paradise are far from exotic. They may not have showered in days. Their wardrobe mainly consists of tee shirts and sleepwear, ready for a nap whenever the baby finally dozes off. Women in paradise don't shave. Since showering is scarce in paradise, because free time is rather elusive, shaving is a luxury and completely dependent on how long the baby naps.

Paradise is having a husband who fights you for the chance to wake up the precious baby to feed him. There's a stark decrease in intimacy in paradise. Instead Paradise offers lots of cuddling and passing kisses. (Wait, sounds like purgatory...)

In Paradise the women trade in their cute purses for a practical ready-at-any-moment diaper bag. Heels get pushed to the back of the closet as sturdier shoes become a staple for those walks balancing a car seat on your way to the car.

Brushing your teeth is optional in Paradise.

Paradise is having a little baby sigh against your chest and snuggle in close as he drifts off to sleep. Paradise is keeping the lighting low and shades shut so that he'll open his beautiful blue eyes at you. Paradise is watching him smile in his sleep.

This is Paradise:

And we're in it :)

The Birth Story

2010-08-22T17:29:00.000-07:00

I realize I've been slacking on my blogging lately but I've been busy with our precious little boy!

I wanted to take a quick moment in between naps to update everyone on his amazing arrival.

I'll try to make this brief, but no promises!

Wed, Aug 11th, we had a routine Drs appt. "E" was dilated to a 3 and felt some pressure "down there" but nothing we were alarmed about. Oh and she passed her mucus plug that morning. But either way I wasn't alarmed since 1. she always got contractions after a Dr's appt and 2. passing the plug doesn't give a good indication always when the baby is coming. After the appt we talked for an hour in the parking lot. She kept saying he was pressing down on something. I jokingly offered maybe he was trying to find the exit! An hour later she texted us that she thinks the pressure was really contractions. I still didn't feel the need for immediate alarm. I had felt he was coming soon but figured over the next couple of days. I went around the house packing things for the hospital unknowingly following the promptings of the Spirit.

I had just finished packing for the hospital and had gone into our bedroom to tell Gavin that I was going to the store for more baby things when she texted me, at 5:02pm, that her water broke.

!!!!!!

So we quickly grabbed the bags and headed to the car. She called me during this in active labor and said they were waiting for her Dad to get home and for us to meet her at the hospital. We decided on our way there we'd stop at Smith's grocery store for some snacks. As we were walking towards the Smith's entrance she calls again, still in active labor. She asked us how quickly we could get her to the hospital and we said pretty quickly. Her Dad still wasn't home and she was worried that she'd have the baby on the side of the street if we didn't hurry! Hurry we did! We picked her up at her parents. Again, this woman is in active labor. We helped her get in the front seat, I got in the back as she's squeezing my hand, and Gavin- dear amazing Gavin- got us to the hospital (on the other side of the valley!) in 10 MINUTES!!!! Yes, there undoubtedly were angels helping us! "E" was oblivious to how fast we were going I think and was mainly worried about getting to the hospital before the baby arrived. I was just worried that we were going to die lol.

We arrive at the hospital around 5:45pm. We get her into a wheelchair, I wheel her in while Gavin parks the car. I rush her back, she gets a room, changes, gets on the bed and is yelling for an epidural. The nurse checks her and she is dilated to a 9!!! So sadly, no epidural for her :( Probably a minute later she starts saying she has to push. A Dr shows up and 4 pushes later little Nathan was born! It was an amazing experience that I'll never forget. I was crying (of course!)

"E" is amazing. She walked to her room after the delivery, sipping on a soda no less. After natural childbirth!!! Did I mention NATURAL? As in NO drugs whatsoever?!

So that tops off the birth story lol. I know I know. I will try to get to much more posting about the days that followed. Thanks for being patient!

Our Baby :)

2010-08-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

We added one of those semi-creepy baby widgets to our blog! Despite it looking a little creepy I love seeing lil Baby Bob here on our blog! It's exactly 14 days till he's here! Unless he arrives earlier...which I'm trying not to think about :)

Can't wait!

The "Other" Waiting Game

2010-08-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

In light of some recent events I felt like I had to post this. And my apologies in advanced for the lack of eloquent awesomeness :)

As we near the arrival of little Baby (insert name here), we are getting excited! So excited its driving me bonkers. I call it the second waiting game. First you wait to get picked. Now that we're so close to his arrival, we're in the second stage of the waiting game. I'm having a hard time trying to wait lately! 20 more days seems like forever! Gavin kindly reminded me last night that I've already waited 5 years, so what's another 3 weeks?

But she's dilated to a 2 I keep thinking. And 80% effaced. It truly isn't nice of Baby to play tricks on Mama already. If he's planning on cooking for another 2-3 weeks the least he could do is to save any progressing labor signs till then. For my sanity.

To help keep my sanity I try to remind myself of the things I wanted to accomplish and get done prior to Baby's arrival. This also involves me doing lots of cleaning around our home so as not to think about Baby's pending arrival. And making baby blankets so as not to think about his pending arrival. Oh and doing his laundry so as not to think about his arrival. Reading baby need-to-know books so as not to dwell on his pending arrival. And making very conscious efforts to try and think of anything but his pending arrival. (Can you tell how well that's working??)

It would be really helpful if there was at least college football right now :\

I am so grateful and happy that everyone we know is soo excited for his arrival. You are all awesome! But if I ever appear/react distant or cold while you are excitedly reminding me of his pending arrival or asking for updates, it's because I'm trying not to dwell on his pending arrival. And also because there are no updates lol. I'm better than CNN folks. If there are updates, you will oh so hear about it!

So my apologies but it's really for my sanity at this point.

Or whatever's left of it :\

Between a rock and a hard place

2010-07-30T12:41:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows when you undergo the miracle of adoption that you're going to fall in love with the Baby. It's a given. But what about when you love the birth mother?

Right now I'm having a hard time with the realization that once the baby's born I won't get to see E anymore. There'll be no more Dr's appointments or visits planned etc because we all agreed that we wouldn't do visits once the Baby was born, for his sake.

But this has all taken me completely by surprise. I had hoped to like the birth mother and be friends but this is something else entirely and I'm afraid I'll cry tears when more distance is created between E and I. (Except for late night texting!) I know its for his sake; I don't think we want to cause him any confusion or conflicting emotions before he's old enough to understand our different roles in his life. But I can't help but selfishly wish that it didn't have to be that way. That she and I could hang out like normal Mommy friends with our babies. We're both so comfortable in our roles and callings in this little guy's life that there's no awkwardness. But I guess its not really fair to push that on him. Does anyone have any advice?

It would be a lot easier if I only liked E. But I freakin' love her. I've rarely felt so close to a person before. She's as close as a sister. The thought of never seeing E again makes me want to cry. So that leaves me either with us pushing Baby into possible confusion (not a good idea) or me hanging out with her alone. Hmm, this could be a good idea yes? I dunno.

Again, any thoughts O' Cyber World of Adopting Parents?

Hey Soul Sister!

2010-07-21T19:05:00.000-07:00

Ok everyone, I have an important announcement to make.

E & I would like to announce that we're Soul Sisters

Yeah, that's right. Soul Sisters. As in Train's "Hey Soul Sister"!

Not only do we have the whole being in love with Baby Bob in common, but a trillion of the basic personality quirks, likes, and traits that constitutes a Soul Sister. ahem. Let me give you the lay down here ;)

1. love of pizza rolls
-for those who know me you know how much Totino's pizza rolls owns my soul
2. love of antiques and Victorian houses
-if you were to break my soul like a puzzle a huge piece belongs to these 2 loves!
3. addicted to milk
-yeah, I seriously need a milk fix every day. I thought I was wacko. Thank you E for being wacko with me lol!
4. a sincere conviction that our souls are hispanic haha!
-pretty much since I discovered spanish music, dancing, the language, and Cafe Rio I've been convinced there was a Rosa or Rosita in my family tree somewhere. Maybe I am Rosita. But hidden in a pale white skin. E is the exact same way lol! Love it!
5. The desire to paint an accent wall in POLKA DOTS
-are you kidding me?! I found someone else like me that wants a polka dot wall?!? Unreal!
6. Same taste in movie genres
-no scary movies for us! blech!
7. being hyper sensitive to meanness
-yeah, we can't watch or read about it. No way. She saw Shiloh as a little girl and cried. I cry at all movies when life or people isn't being nice to someone. Go figure. I thought I was uber over sensitive. But she is too!
8. Verbage and phrasology.
-sometimes its weird for me to get a text from her that I at first think I sent it to myself on accident, lol!

Thank you E for making me feel somewhat normal ;)

In all seriousness I thank my Father in Heaven for blessing us with E. I had hoped that our lil angel's birth mom would be someone I could be close to. No effort needed with E! Love her to death!

Once Upon a Time...

2010-07-15T13:46:00.000-07:00

Ok its finally story time! I'm so sorry I've not kept up my blogging. For those of you who are parents you know how crazy the prep time can be, but now take that 9 months and shrink it to 2! lol

So since all great stories (or the ones I like) start out with "Once Upon a Time..." I figured this one should too!

So, Once Upon a Time:

There was a boy and a girl, we'll call them Gavin & Shauna. They were big nerds but really wanted to experience the joy of parenthood. However, when they placed their order for a baby they incorrectly chose the wrong shipping method; they chose UPS and not FedEx! They were sadly informed that their baby would take a lot longer to get to them as a result.

Not deterred by lame UPS, Gavin & Shauna decided to continue to prepare themselves to be parents so that they would be ready no matter when their Little One arrived.

Meanwhile, there was a girl we'll call E. E was beautiful, smart, and essentially awesome. She was blessed to conceive pretty much the most perfect little boy I'm sure there ever will be. E fell in love with him and wanted to give him the world. She especially wanted him to have a great role model of a father. She asked her close family friend, who is an attorney who's done many adoptions-including hers, to find the perfect couple for her lil guy.

The attorney talked with many couples. One day he was looking at his daughter-in-law's family blog and he saw a photo of Gavin & Shauna. It was our blog ad spreading the word that we were adopting. The Spirit told him these two were the ones and asked his daughter-in-law for our information.

One quiet Monday afternoon, I got a call from Gavin while I was at work. It was unusual because he never calls me at work. I took my cell phone to the hall and picked up. He told me an attorney had called him today and wanted to meet us that very evening if we could because he knew a girl who was looking for parents to adopt her baby. Oh and the baby was due at the end of August. And for some reason I thought I heard it was a girl. Uhm, of course let's meet with him! I said.

After work we nervously went to the attorney's office. I was all nervousness until I met the attorney. As soon as I saw his face I felt instant calm. We talked and agreed to meet the birth mother either Tues or Wed night. I found out she was having a BOY. I wonder if my face communicated the comical thoughts that went through my head when he said BOY. Instantly pink thoughts went away and in came the blue, the soccer cleats, and the football. I decided a boy was definitely ok :) We walked away not daring to hope but feeling pretty excited at the possibility.

We met the birth mother, E, on Wednesday. I felt strangely calm all the way to the attorney's office. Gavin was nervous haha. Once I sat down and was waiting for her I started to feel nervous butterflies. Once she arrived I felt fine. Ok. Calm. Chill. (there will be moments in this story where words do not do justice to all feelings presented)

We all talked and it was decided that we would be the parents of this little boy. I can't even tell you the sweet warm feeling that came over me at that moment that we said Yes. I reached for Gavin's hand and we just held each other under the table. When they brought out the ultra sound photos it was a pure feeling of magic that went through me. Awe. Wonder. And Love. I couldn't believe this little guy was coming to us. I also fell in love with E. I left there pretty convinced that she had the cutest and most infectious laugh I had ever heard :)

We left the meeting and got in the car and were silent for a while on the drive home. It felt like one of those moments too special that talking would ruin it. I finally broke the silence and we expressed our joy in what had just happened and then I, ever practical lol, asked where were we going to eat dinner to celebrate? We went home first and thanked our Father in Heaven for this miracle. Then we gorged on Texas Roadhouse YUM!

After dinner we started making the rounds to our family's homes to spread our exciting news. And show off the ultra sound photos. I was convinced he was the cutest lil alien ever (b/c don't all babies look like aliens at first?)

It was all pretty surreal at first to be honest. It went from being surreal, to me being in shock (I had Gavin pinch me at dinner haha), to being sooo happy and in awe and wonder that this was happening. And I must say I was completely and entirely in awe of E. There is no doubt she loves this baby more than life itself. I can't wait to tell our son about the amazing woman that brought him to us.

So that's the story of how we were found and how this came to be in the works :)

5 more weeks!

Whats in a name?

2010-07-04T23:13:00.000-07:00

Whats in a name?

TONS!

"You can't tell me the success of Kevin Bacon doesn't have to do with the fact his last name is Bacon! You don't see people lining up to see a Kevin Hotdog movie." -Jim Gaffigan

Thank you Jim, well said :)

We are searching for the right name for our bebe. For instance, Butch. Who could possibly be serious naming their boy that? So it can't be a ridiculous name. It can't be a pansy name either. Like, Skipper or Lyle. It can't also be a name tied to a celebrity - Edward, Charlie (Charlie Brown), Brad, etc. We also don't want a name that its a gender neutral name - Taylor etc

I really like names that mean in Hebrew something about being a gift from God. Because he is our present from God (and an amazing woman) we feel.

There are a couple of names we're contemplating, but nothing definite yet! So for now, he remains Bob the Baby. I know I know, we need something better stat!

Gavin brought home the what to expect during your first year book yesterday. I've been reading and getting brain cramps I think. So much to learn in 49 days! (yes thats right, around 49 DAYS!)

One thing we have to do asap is choose our pediatrician for zee baby. The last thing I want is to have to find a Dr when I need one b/c the baby is sick :\ That's not a good time to find a Dr.

We'll also be registering soon for baby stuff! People are starting to plan baby showers, so surreal!

Thanks again everyone for all the love, support, and prayers over the years! We're almost there! This has been an amazing journey and experience and we wouldn't trade any of it for anything!

He's coming!

2010-06-30T23:23:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

We just wanted to take a moment to let you all know that we've been chosen by a birth mother today! Everything went well and our baby boy will be here by Aug 22nd! We can't wait to meet him and are so excited to welcome him to our family!

We realize most of you are not familiar with adoption, so if you have any questions, please let us know :)

We don't have a name yet, but hopefully will soon!

Here's a pic from his Feb ultra sound! I have about 52 days to get everything ready. No stress! lol

Thanks everyone for your prayers!
~Gavin and Shauna

Right now, I'm just calling him Bob :)

Missing something

2010-06-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

If you feel our blog is missing something it used to have, you are right! We no longer have our button available to our regular blog. There were concerns about my lack of maintaining privacy in that blog (using last names, etc). So we no longer have a path to that blog on this site. However! If you'd still like to follow that one, please email me and I'd be happy to send you the link. It's still public so anyone can access it. Email us at gavinandshauna@gmail.com

WOOT!

Adoption Pass along cards

2010-06-02T14:29:00.000-07:00

We're almost ready to order some pass along cards for our adoption profile, yipee! We'll be going through Spaces for Faces and feel like this is the next step in searching for our little one!

This is where we'd really like your help!

We need people to help us spread these cards. If you'd like to or be willing to help pass these cards out, please email us at gavinandshauna@gmail.com with your name and address so we can mail them to you.

Who to pass these out to?
Everyone!
Drs, OBGYN's, etc
teachers
neighbors
friends
family
etc!

Thank you so much everyone for all your love and support!

YAY!

2010-05-28T08:48:00.001-07:00

We're now over 1,000 visits!

Thank you so much to everyone who reads our blog! We appreciate you guys!

Have a great Memorial Day weekend!

Just "Relax"

2010-05-27T17:42:00.000-07:00

Normally I don't vent on my blogs but....today I really feel the need to :(

Today we encountered more insensitive infertility remarks and misguided advice to "fix" it. It seems to always be my grandparents, either side. Not because they're trying to be mean. But I think they just simply don't understand; like so many others.

We were again told that maybe we're doing "it" wrong. Really? Is that even any of your business??

We were again told we just need to "relax". Wait till all those infertility Dr's find out they're gonna be out of a job once all of us infertile folk learn how to "relax". I wonder what other diseases or disorders relaxing can cure?

I really don't mean to be rude, but how hurtful are comments like those? I'm pretty sure that after 5 years it could be assumed we did our due diligence in trying to get pregnant naturally. More importantly we followed the impressions of the Holy Spirit and let the Lord direct us in how we should start our family.

There will always be people who don't understand. And it's not their fault. And I'm not mad at them, just upset at their ignorance. I feel it totally undermines everything Gavin and I have went through so far to become parents. Too bad I didn't know before the painful HSG test that all I needed to do was "relax". You wouldn't tell a cancer patient to relax in order to be healed. Why do people assume infertility isn't a real disease/disorder?

Whenever I get comments like these I'm hurt and a little upset. But I know the next day I'll wake up and be totally fine. Despite the pain of infertility, I wouldn't trade our experiences for anything. I love the people we've become from going through this. I love the things I've learned. I can't help but feel grateful for a loving Heavenly Father for sticking it out with us through all this. I have a neat dream I had that I'll share that for me, put this "trial" (or blessing) into perspective for me. Maybe it'll help you too.

I dreamt that Gavin and I were in a hospital waiting room. There were many couples there and one delivery room. There were nurses rushing in and out of the delivery room giving couples babies. Gavin and I were excited to be there and patiently were waiting our turn. After a while we started getting antsy and started talking to some of the nurses. They assured us we were on the list but it wasn't our time yet. Ok ok, we sat back down to continue waiting. More waiting. More couples coming and going with sweet babies. Where was ours? We finally got fed up of waiting and left. In my dream I then recalled all the fertility struggles we went through in real life, leading up to the point where we prayed and decided to adopt. After that decision was made and we knew it was what we were supposed to do, I walked kind of stormily back into that hospital waiting room and right into the delivery room up to our Heavenly Father who was the one who had been delivering the babies.

Upset I asked him, "If you had wanted us to adopt all along, why didn't you just tell us in the first place?"
Lovingly he turned to me and asked, "Would you have listened?"

I get teary every time I recall this dream because I know the answer is No. I wouldn't have listened. I don't look back on these 5 years as wasted efforts to become parents. I look at them as the road necessary to get where we are right now.

I hope this helps put our adoption into perspective. Love you guys!

FHE & a Swagger Wagon

2010-05-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

I'm always a little afraid of getting too personal on here, or too silly, but since that's completely my nature I figure I'd make the exception today :)

Last night Gavin prepared a wonderful FHE. Sunday night we had the privilege of meeting some descendants of the Prophet Joseph Smith. It was amazing. The son we met looks so much like all the art of the Prophet I've ever seen! So last night for FHE, Gavin had us read the First Vision as a family. It was awesome. I'm so grateful for this gospel and a loving Heavenly Father! And a wonderful husband who prepares wonderful Family Home Evenings.

When we first started having FHE we were a newlywed couple. At first I thought it was silly. There was only 2 of us and we were together every day! Why did we need "Family Time"? However we felt strongly that our small family still needed this and prayerfully moved forward. It has been such a blessing to our small family over the years and I'm very glad we didn't wait until we were blessed with children to start it!

On another note, a coworker sent this to me yesterday and I have not been able to stop laughing over it!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the (epic) Swagger Wagon!

You know we'll have a swagger wagon one day! LOL, Have a great Tuesday everyone!

A Good Home

2010-05-10T19:01:00.000-07:00

In FHE tonight we read a great quote by Gordon B. Hinckley from his book Stand A Little Taller:

A Good Home

No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned. -D&C 121:41

"Good homes are not easily created or maintained. They require discipline, not so much of children as of self. They require respect for others, that respect which comes best from acceptance of the revealed word of the Lord concerning the purposes of life, of the importance and sacred nature of the family, and recognition of each member of the family as a child of God."

I loved this quote and thought I would share. "Good homes are not easily created or maintained." That is so true. We hope and pray we'll be able to welcome a little child into our home. We have worked hard these past 5 years to make our home our own heaven on earth. Gavin's sister and her husband have created another heaven on earth in their home. We pray for Gavin's sister and her family as they pray that my new little niece will be able to forever call their family "home". Love you guys! We're praying for you!

Happy Happy

2010-05-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Birthmother's Day! Happy Belated Birthmother's Day to all the wonderful birthmother's out there!

And, Happy Mother's Day everyone! We enjoyed getting together with family celebrating the wonderful Mother's in our lives.

Some exciting news in our lives... Gavin's oldest sister and her husband are doing foster-to-adopt with the state. They have 4 children but still felt like someone was missing. This past Thursday, our anniversary!, they welcomed a little Princess home into their family!! Right now its only temporary but we're all anxiously hoping it will become permanent! We've all fallen in love with her! She is so precious! On Sat morning her foster father gave her a Priesthood blessing. Gavin's sister started bawling because she realized that little girl wouldn't have a father or the Priesthood if not for foster care. No matter the outcome, we're all very glad this little one is with us and pray for the birthmother as well. What a miracle families are!

Have a great week everyone!

5.0 Anniversary!

2010-05-06T08:26:00.000-07:00

Today is our fifth anniversary, or as we call it: Our 5.0 Anniversary! :)

This morning I started off with Rhode's cinnamon rolls, my favorite! Then I snuck a back of plain M&M's (Gavin's favorite!) into his backpack with a note that 1 M&M is for each time I'll think of him today, with 1 M&M=1 million of course :)

Then I presented him with a stack of secret letters I've been writing him over the past 2 months. That was a tender moment :)

Here's to a great 5 years! Can't wait for these next 5!

Here's us over the past 5 years :)

This one's really old! From our engagement!

hahahahaha

Happy 5 years!

Gotta catch up

2010-05-03T09:44:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I haven't gotten a chance to catch up yet, though I did post a small bloggy post on our regular blog today! This may be short, or I may start rambling, but brace yourself! lol

First, can I just say how much I loove the R House blog? She always has the greatest things posted there to uplift and inspire me to not be mopey! As most of you know, the "wait" period is the hardest part of adopting. Gavin and I took inspiration from one of the General Conf talks this past April, I think it was actually from the Priesthood session: Don't just endure, but endure well. So we're taking that to heart and whenever I get discouraged Gavin lovingly reminds me of this. It does help when I have fun summer plans to stop me from pining away for a little addition to our family. I'm still pining, but at least the fun summerness pushes it to the back burner!

Second, our 5 year anniversary is this Thursday! We're so excited. Being somewhat nerds Gavin and I decided on that day we can say we've been married exactly 5.0 years! Rather than "5 years" which indicates rounding up or rounding down. But a decimal point means exact! At any rate yay for 5 years!

I didn't hesitate to give him suggestions on what we should do after work for our anniversary. After going to the temple (a tradition) I suggested he take me out to dinner with flowers. For which he burst out laughing and I was severely tickled. It was only a suggestion! ;) I even went as far to venture that perhaps where we eat dinner should be a surprise to me lol. I think he's taking my advice, can't wait to see!

Have a great Monday everyone! I'll be better at posting once school is over on Tuesday! YAY!

We're baaack!

2010-04-29T14:44:00.000-07:00

From St. George! It was heavenly! Now I look outside and there's *gulp* snow? Oh well, the moisture will be good for summer drought, right?

Promise a new post soon! I'm still coming down from Cloud 9 :)

Winner Winner!

2010-04-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

Ok time's up! Since there were only two people that left comments (sorry Gavin but you can't win these contests lol) then I decided hey, why not let them both be winners?

So Alicia and April you win! lol

Go ahead and email me your address to mail this to at gavinandshauna@gmail.com.

In other news I bought more books. Yes more books. It's the only thing that I allow myself to buy for future sweet baby. Clothes are too risky. I could see myself buying a truck load of the cutest baby girl clothes and then what if it's a boy? Or vice versa! No, better stay away from clothes. But books? Books are fantabulous. Books are safe. Books are something I can use (I'm a child at heart) while we're waiting for our little one. And I'm a sucker for vintage children's books. Here's what I got at DI the other weekend!

So cute! I couldn't resist. I loved books like these and still do. Can't wait till we have a cute lil munchkin who hopefully will enjoy reading as much as Gavin and I do!

There won't be any new blog posts for a while, we'll be in St George soaking up the sun! Or dodging rain drops if the weather man is right...but he's never right....right?!

We'll have tons of fun photos once we're back! Have a great week!

Another milestone!

2010-04-16T12:50:00.000-07:00

I just saw that we've reached 700 hits to this blog! Yippee!

In celebration I'm having a giveaway! I dabble in photography and will be giving this 5x7 print away to someone lucky!

All you have to do is leave a comment below and I'll use one of those random winner generator websites to pick the winner!

Thanks to everyone who reads our blog! The contest will be closed Monday night, 10pm Mountain Time :)

Milestone!

2010-04-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

Today we're excited to announce that we now have 301 hits to our LDS Adoption Profile!! woot!

We were hoping to catch the 300th, but missed it :)

Yay for milestones! We consider this one. The more its looked at the closer we get to becoming a family of 3, yay!

In other news next week we'll be down in St George celebrating (a couple weeks early) our 5 year anniversary! I can't believe it's been 5 years. It's gone by so fast! Married life rocks and I'm so blessed to be married to my best friend! We have lots of hiking plans for next week! Despite that blasted weather.com indicates there could be rain for our first three days! :( (prayers!!) Even if rain comes, we'll still explore what we can. We can't wait!

Have a great Thursday everyone! And thanks for all the hits to our blogs and profile! We appreciate all your support and love!

Magic Powers?

2010-04-09T09:26:00.000-07:00

I really try not to get all emotional out in blogger-space but today will probably be different, just a warning!

I'm an English major and still working on that rad degree. Last semester was the first time I wrote about adoption and infertility. And wrote I did! And this semester. I can't stop writing about the amazing miracle of love that adoption is, nor the pain that comes with infertility.

Last semester I wrote about 4 women I knew around my age struggling with different levels and stages of infertility for one of my papers. Earlier this semester I found out one of them became pregnant! I don't think you can imagine my joy and excitement for her and her husband! She had been trying to nearly 6 years and been through so much (she's my hero). And then one month they miraculously got pregnant on their own! YAY! She had also experienced 2 miscarriages (did I mention she's my hero?) and yesterday they heard a LOUD and healthy heartbeat at their ultrasound! YAY again!

Then, last night I discovered another one of those 4 women I wrote about is also pregnant! I was ecstatic!! (both of these lovely ladies are cousins of mine and I can't say enough how much I love them)

When I told Gavin he jokingly said I should write about more women lol. I'm wondering myself, do I posses some magical writing-real-life power? Which leads to, if I do then should I write a paper about us? ;)

In all seriousness, and how can I describe this?, my joy for them was overwhelming. My heart was full and I thanked my loving Heavenly Father for blessing these two women (and their husbands!) with this miracle.

But there is of course a flip side.

I couldn't help hear this tiny voice in my head timidly ask: Why not me? Why not us?

Though I wanted to push this nonsensical question away, I knew I needed to let myself grieve. Later that night, as Gavin was saying his personal prayer in our living room, I went to our bedroom, dropped to my knees, and let myself bawl as I poured out my heart to Him. I like to think I'm pretty tough, I was none so tough last night and was grateful for a loving Heavenly Father to lean on at that moment. I didn't ask him why we weren't pregnant. I already knew the answer to that. I didn't plead, I didn't beg for our child to come to us soon (as in past prayers). I simply pleaded for strength, comfort, and peace and to feel His love for me right then. I'm not sure if I've ever uttered such an honest simple and heartfelt prayer in my life. I went to bed knowing that this is all in His hands and without worry. Between the peace I felt from Him and from crying (crying sometimes does wonders lol) I felt so relaxed! Those blankets haven't felt that soft in a long time lol! I slept amazingly well and woke up this morning to a peaceful and bright outlook.

Trials are for a time, a reason, and season.

I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who lovingly guides us through hard times.

Adoption Video

2010-04-08T07:41:00.000-07:00

On Monday I happened to see a show on BYUTV where they were doing a special about adoption. It was on the Living Essentials show. It was an one on one interview with a LDS Family Services case worker talking about adoption from the birth mothers view point. I found it very interesting and learned new things. They also had a few clips from birth mothers talking about there experiences. I would encourage everyone to see it. I tried to find a youtube of it but couldn't so you will either have to see it on BYUTV, they will be rebroadcasting it Saturday April 10 @ 12:00 AM, or you can go online to byutv.org click on the tune in now button then on the BYU television tune in now button, wait for the viewer to load then down below the player there is a box that has the dates and also the shows according to time, click on Monday, Apr 5, 2010, then scroll down to 10:00 pm Living Essentials. This will load it for you. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did! Please comment if you like it or not.

Adoption pass along cards- YAY!

2010-03-31T21:35:00.001-07:00

I'm SOOO excited!!

We won a FREE hour photoshoot with this way talented artist!!!
~Elle Imagery!!

Now we are going to have the *cutest* photos for our adoption pass along cards!

Did I mention how excited I am?!?!?

Cuz I feel pretty excited right now ;)

What? Parenthood isn't a bed of roses?

2010-03-30T11:44:00.000-07:00

I wanted to leave my husband's blog post up a little longer because I love everything he wrote and its very educational to those not familiar with adoption. So please! Scroll down and read it if you haven't already! (He'd also love any comments or questions!)

But I wanted to share something I came across today. I am an avid reader of this fabulous blog. I love her sense of humor and straightforwardness (is that a word??) Today she posted something that hit home. I'd encourage you to all check it out here, especially if you are not adopting but know others who are! (*cough* like us haha)

It's all about how it's often assumed that infertile or adopting couples don't know what they're getting into when they're trying to become parents. But does anyone really? Until they're there? But the blogger goes on to say that we don't assume it's going to be a party. We are well aware that life will change! Date nights will change. Making out and other amorous activities will change. Me being able to look decent during the day will totally depend on how much time I have while I'm caring the baby. We know all this. Promise ;) We aren't mistaken what line we're in, we know this ain't the line to a fabulous Mexican cruise, but the ride of Parenthood.

Why do I bring this up?

Lately we've been getting some remarks along the lines of "You just wait..." and other remarks implying we'll regret becoming parents. Regret becoming parents? Is that possible? I find it very irritating that someone would assume that after fighting for 5 years to become parents that we would expect a perfect non-crying, non-vomiting baby who always sleeps through the night, never becomes sick, and never interferes with our current social life.

haha

So please, read the articles I've added links to! We are so excited to become parents and are so grateful to all our loving friends and family who have been so sweet throughout all this! While we're definitely enjoying the luxury we still have to get a full nights sleep (insert laugh here, b/c what college student really gets a full night's sleep?), nothing will be better than when the emptiness of our arms is filled and the ache in our hearts is abated.

Thanks you guys so much!

An insight to Adoption, What you probably don't know

2010-03-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

This post was inspired by an email that Shauna got. Well in fact it was actually a facebook post but I say it as an email. Any who, the post pretty much asked: When does the adoption stuff all start for us? Well in answer to this question I would like to explain the adoption process more. To set right some myths, and how all of you can start today on being apart of our adoption process.

Well first some facts about adoption. On average, throughout the nation, unwed mothers that place their child for adoption is about one percent. Those that choose to abort their child are about 50%.

Now How Adoption Works.
For the adoptive couples: first you go through loads of paper work and interviews and all sorts of stuff to reveal every aspect of your life to show that you are qualified, according to "a professional", to be a parent. Not a fun process but Shauna and I have finished that process and have been approved. Approval is when a committee of case workers get together and go over all of your info and deam you "OK" to be a parent. What does it mean to be approved? It just means we move to the next step of the adoption process- the finding and being found stage.

The Finding and being Found Stage.
This can be the fun and exciting part for us. But at the same time can get emotional and depressing at times. This is where pretty much we wait for a birth parent to pick us.

What this means: With adoption the placement of children with adoptive couples is pretty much left all up to the birth parents. They choose who they feel will be the best parents for their child. If you think about that deeply you can now see the great responsibility and love that these birth parents have. Their child's future is in their hands. They go through much work and prayer to find the right couple. God bless them for all they do and who they are.

So you may ask why do we call this the finding process. Well we, Shauna and I, try to do everything that we can to get our names out there so that birth parents will have us as a choice to be their couple. We have done this by creating this blog, joining different adoption networks, (going to) distribute pass along cards, and have our LDS Family Services Adoptive profile. The biggest is by word of mouth. Of course a lot of prayer and fasting so as to be led to the right places so the birth parents of our future child will find us. Yes, we believe and know that there is a particular child that is suppose to come into our home, so the finding that we are doing is to find not just any child but to find the right child.

Info
Well from the statistics as shown above there aren't a lot of birth parents that place their children for adoption. My own personal feelings to the reason for those low numbers is from the lack of knowledge about adoption not only for birth parents but for the world as a whole. With our wonderful media that we have... they have shown many negative sides about adoption that are not true. Adoption is a wonderful thing for all involved. Because this post is getting long I'm not going to go into all of that, but in a later post I will talk more about it- giving stories and more info so stay tuned for that. But as far as the LDS church goes adoption is the encouraged solution to a unwed pregnant mother, so that as per the Proclamation to the Family a child can have both a father and a mother to raise the child.

How do You Get Involved
Get the word out. Mention to your family and friends that you know this "amazing" couple that is adopting and that they are looking for birth parents. The way most adoptive couples find their birth parents is because they know someone that knows someone that knows someone that was considering placing their child for adoption. Also nicknamed FOAF- Friend of a Friend. This means we need you to be that someone. Also you can write your own little post about adoption on your blogs or Facebook, send emails out to families and friends, you can help us pass out pass along cards, pray that more birth parents will go to the LDSFS (LDS Family Services) offices, etc... and whatever other way that you think you could get the word out. One huge thing that you can do though is talk to your bishop about having LDSFS come out on a fifth Sunday lesson and do their presentations they do for wards. You, and your whole ward, will learn so much from that meeting that you never knew about adoption. That's when I learned tons about adoption myself and many misconceptions were set right. In fact one of our case workers said in our last FSA meeting that her husband loves going with her to those meetings because he learns so much and they are great meetings. And if your bishop has questions you can have them get a hold of us at gavinandshauna@gmail.com and we will hook them up with the right people to make it happen. I know that typically the LDSFS agencies have surges of birth parents after those ward meetings.

LDSFS
LDSFS is a wonderful organization the church has made. It is not only the agency that we are going through but for birth parents that are members of the church they offer free support and counseling to birth parents. They help them discover all the options they have before them. They have group meetings for them were they can interact with other birth parents going through similar circumstances. There is a new Riverton office that just opened up at: 3740 W 13400 S, Riverton, UT 84065
phone number 801.566.2556.
For those on the south west end of the Salt Lake Valley, and to find other agencies in your area, please go to www.itsaboutlove.org for more information.

So in conclusion of my book I just wrote, please please help us in our process by getting the word out. There is so much all of us can do to increase this wonderful work and to help couples, like us, find their children.

First local caucus

2010-03-23T21:55:00.001-07:00

Gavin and I went to our local caucus tonight, first time! Check out the post! :) We love our country and love getting involved!

FSA meeting

2010-03-20T12:12:00.000-07:00

We attended our first FSA meeting Thursday night! I wish we could have attended the first meeting but my school schedule normally doesn't allow it. This week was my spring break so we jumped at the opportunity to go.

It was a good experience. We met at the new Riverton agency office and lemme just say, WOW. What a beautiful building! Not only is the Riverton agency located there but a lot of the Church's worldwide offices. Pretty neat.

We learned in the FSA meeting that there is so much work to be done to get the wonderful word of adoption spread more widely and to educate the public more. We signed up for some things and can't wait to help!

We also met some new couples. One has been waiting for a year for their first child. I hesitate to say this but I just hope that if we have to wait that long that I can always remember to be happy and optimistic. It's hard to stay optimistic while you're waiting, there's a lot of support groups FSA offers in fact for the "waiting period". However, since we've not even been approved for a full month yet we're still full of optimism!

Also, we've been contacted by a birth mother. It happened yesterday. I won't divulge a lot of information yet except that we'll see what happens. This may not lead to our baby but at the very least its really good practice for us to learn what to do when we're contacted. When the email came through we just stared at it for a while, like "now what?" lol. On a more serious note, I can only imagine what a hard decision this must be for any birth mother and I do not wish or want to force that decision on anyone. It's definitely something between them and Heavenly Father (and the birth father if present). We just continue to pray for all the women out there struggling with this decision.

We'll continue to keep you updated as things progress! Have a great weekend!

Photos from the bday party :)

2010-03-18T17:03:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in my last post I have photos from my sister's bday party!

Here they are!

so tender

haha, wow am I smiley :)

but look at my nieces cute curls!!

FSA: Families Supporting Adoption

2010-03-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

Most of you probably have never heard of FSA before, but it's a wonderful organization!

We have a meeting tonight with our agency's FSA group and we're excited to get involved!

Some of the things FSA does:
-Outreach: goes to high schools/clinics etc handing out adoption materials to spread the word about the wonderful choice of adoption
-Education: does seminars and workshops to educate about adoption
-Support: plans parties and activities for us adopting couples/families that love being surrounded by those who understand what we're doing!

I know there's more, but that's whats on the top of my mind this morning. Consequently, they're the areas I'm most interested in volunteering for lol. Go figure ;)

FSA is all volunteer, I love being involved in a great cause! We both can't wait to go tonight and find out how we can help!

This is definitely a wonderful blessing to keep us busy while we're waiting for our little one and the wonderful birth mother we'll get to work with. I feel so blessed to be a part of a wonderful thing like adoption. Like we've mentioned before, this is not where we intended to be but we feel so blessed to be here. We've learned so much; about faith, about hope, and about love.

I'll have some recent photos to post soon from my sister's bday party on Sunday. We got to spend lots of time with our way cute nieces! I love seeing Gavin spend time with all our nieces and nephews. He's so sweet and I love getting those glimpses of what kind of Daddy he's going to be one day...which is the best in my opinion! :) [not that I'm biased or anything lol]

Hopefully I'll get to post those photos tonight, I've been meaning to all week.

Hope you're all having a great week and thanks for reading!

Adoption Friends

2010-03-13T13:08:00.000-08:00

I hope many of you have noticed my list of growing friends who are adopting (in the left column of this blog).

Check out their blogs!

They are all such amazing and sweet couples. It's been such a blessing to have a sweet network of support and understanding as we try to grow our family through adoption.

A sweet poem

2010-03-06T13:44:00.000-08:00

Well the first week of having our LDS profile published is over, and our profile stats are doing well! We're hopeful, we've seen that 106 people (current stat!) have looked at it so far. Yay! We know this process will take time to bring the right people together, but we're happy to know at least we're being looked at :)

I came across a sweet poem I wanted to share. It's called "The Legacy of an Adopted Child", author unknown.

Once there were two women
Who barely knew each other.
One is in your heart forever,
The other you'll call Mother.

Two different lives,
Shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star,
The other became your sun.

The first gave you life,
And the second taught you how to live it.
The first gave you a need for love,
And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name.

One gave you the seed talent,
The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.

One gave you a family,
It was what God intended for her to do.
The other prayed for a child,
And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me,
Through your tears,
The age old question through the years.
Heredity or environment...
Which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling...neither,
Just two different kinds of love.

Have a great weekend!

Celebrating our approval!

2010-03-01T21:36:00.000-08:00

We were so excited to be approved today! We had been waiting for almost 2 months to be "officially" approved. Hurray!

We decided to celebrate this big event in our steps towards expanding our family!

Gavin donned his nice white polo (hehe) and surprised me by taking me out to Applebee's. Can't beat their 2 for $20! We love it!

Afterward we went shopping for a crib mattress. We're not buying too many things before we're chosen but we have our crib and some other things (like books! Very important!) We also need a dresser (vertical) but that's the last thing we'll buy before we're chosen (since it could take years for all we know).

Here's some photo highlights, we made sure to document it :)

in the car, arrived at Applebee's...can you see what I'm thinking? (mmm steak...)

Got Faith? Our table did lol, Gavin was taken back by the huge Faith staring at him. I thought it was kind of her to make it to our celebration. I didn't remember sending out invites!

My sweet husband :)

Plate empty!

Moi, plate also empty, yay!

Sealing our dinner with a kiss lol

G'bye Applebee's & thank you for hosting our celebration! woot!

Our purchased crib mattress yay! We looked at a couple of places and picked this one.

Got it at Wal-Mart for $38.47

(Vent: Tax was $2.47!! I feel robbed)

Headin' home to study for a test (him) and do homework (me)

I know my eyes look crazy, but there's no photoshop fix for crazy eyes lol

And that was our little party! It has been such a joyous journey! I know that sounds weird because there was infertility & there's uncertainty mingled in our journey but we both feel very blessed! We can't help it! We get to work with a wonderful birth mother (or aka, first mother) who's out there somewhere and get the blessing and privilege of raising that cute lil baby. What's not to feel grateful for?

Visit our daily blog for my mad cooking skills!

APPROVED!!!

2010-03-01T13:19:00.000-08:00

GREAT NEWS!!!

*sorry in advance for all the CAPS!

But we are APPROVED!!!

We finally received our approval through LDS today and our profile has been published to their site! You can view it here!

We are so excited to be moving forward. We are so excited to one day meet the wonderful birth mother and hope for the very best!

Thank you everyone for your love and support thus far. It means a lot to us!

Happy Monday!

Cool Adoption Info

2010-02-27T17:06:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone I found this information from are adoption manual and also other research that I thought that ya'll, my southerness coming out, would like and find interesting.

Common Terms Used and Terms That Shouldn't

Biological Parents: Parents of conception.
Natural Parents: Used often in legal settings. NOT a positive term since it implies that adoptive parents are "unnatural."
Birth father or birth mother: Used widely to describe parents of conception.
Genetic parent: Same as above.
Real father or real mother: Terms used in society to describe biological parents. Not appropriate since they imply that adoptive parents do not act as "real parents".
Adoption Placement
Inappropriate: 'put up for adoption,' 'adopted out,' 'abandoned,' and 'give up a child.'
Appropriate term: 'Arranging for an adoption,' ' making a placement plan for a child,' 'arranging for a transfer of parental rights,' and 'making an adoption plan.'
This is from a handout by Tom Craner, LCSW, ogden, UT Agency.

Do's and Don'ts

DO

1. DO accept our decision to adopt without question.
2. DO accept our choice of a child regardless of his/her race, heritage, age, 'social background, etc.
3. Do remain positive and enthusiastic during waiting periods.
4. DO offer to give practical help if you don't mind giving us your time.
5. DO respect our choice not to disclose details about our personal life and our decisions.

DON'T
1. DON'T tell us that if we adopt a child we will get pregnant and have a child of "our own." Adoption does not cure infertility, and our adopted child will be "our child!"
2. DON'T react as if adoption is a "second best" or "noble" choice.
3. DON'T question our capability or readiness to parent a child.
4. DON'T incessantly ask for news while we are waiting to adopt.
5. DON'T probe for details about the birth parents or the child. We'll tell you whatever we are comfortable sharing.
From: Adoption.com

A long post, but I bought books!

2010-02-24T21:57:00.000-08:00

We love to read and its very important in our home to have good books, and plenty of them. Look what I bought! I already had some books for our child (obviously when they're a bit older) but I couldn't resist getting these at our local DI last weekend. I love children's books!

the Shake a Leg one w/Elmo is really cute. It has you do all these actions, like shaking your leg, waving your arm, etc. I could just imagine our lil one doing this and laughing

Dr Seuss=Classic, just Classic

my favorites: they're so vintage-y, I love it!

Now for more updates:
Things are going well, all things considering. We should finally be officially approved by LDSFS this upcoming Monday. We have been waiting since Christmastime!! One thing after another happened (on the agency's side)but now things are finally looking like they'll be taken care of. Wouldn't you know it we'd get the luck of chaotic transitions? (There'll be a total partay once we get the call that we're officially approved on Monday, believe me. I may buy balloons)

Last night I got a call from my Gavin's oldest sister who's doing Foster to Adopt through the state. Apparently her sister-in-law works for a private adoption agency and called to say there was a baby girl at the hospital who needed a family. Her birth mother had signed her rights away and the father was in prison. Though we didn't feel like this was our daughter I can't describe to you what it felt like knowing if I wanted to, I could have become a Mother last night. It was incredible. I can't wait to experience the real thing.

One thing that made me sad is that the birth mother didn't want anything to do with the baby. Working through our adoption process I've felt like open adoption would be a wonderful experience. Of course we'll respect the mother's wishes when we arrive there, but we both feel it would be great to keep in contact with the birth mother.

Today I've done a lot of networking and found more blogs of amazing couples trying to adopt. We've exchanged blog buttons and I joined AdoptionVoices.com, a truly wonderful site! It's been a great day. Doing things like this make me feel proactive, productive, and closer to the lil one that's coming.

This is where I turn to you: family, friends, and readers. The best way to adopt is through FOAF, or Friend of a Friend. Usually this means someone who knows us know someone who knows someone who's thinking about placing for adoption and they give that person our blog, etc. Get it? So please, tell everyone you know we are adopting! Feel free to share this blog, our contact information listed on the blog, etc. Post on your Facebook, blog, Twitter or whatever you use! Not sure what to say? You can copy this:

Gavin and Shauna are trying to build their family through adoption! Please take a minute to look at their adoption blog (www.gsadopting.blogspot.com).

We'll be making cards to pass out too. If you're interested email us your address and we'll be sure to mail some to you!

Thanks everyone for your love and prayers! We hope Baby will be joining us soon!

Have a great night!

Something New!

2010-02-07T10:47:00.000-08:00

Last night we were given our very firstest baby present!

How cute is this?!? Monkey bubbles!

It's not an infant toy but he/she will get to use it eventually! I thought it was soo sweet of our good friends to be so supportive and excited for us! Thank you guys!

We talked to a family friend today whom I've known all my life and found out his two daughters (now in their teens) are adopted! I never knew! They all look so much alike! We're going to plan a get together with them. It'll be nice for us to hear the girls' side and feelings about adoption and for them to hear ours. We're excited and looking forward to getting together with them!

I was emailing a friend this week who is also considering adoption. I thought I'd share some of what I wrote:

"Adoption has been the most amazing experience of my life so far. Looking back on what's happened so far I can definitely see the Lord's hand and understand this is what I need right now in my mortal test. It wasn't my plan at all to adopt our first ... Going through LDS Family Services has been wonderful. Their main focus is building eternal families. We cannot wait for the day we get to go to the temple to be sealed as a family and have this little tiny hand over ours. Thinking of it brings tears, but happy ones! What I once considered a trial that was more than I could bear, is now my greatest blessing. I told Gavin last night that I wish I could spare any other woman the pain that comes from trying to conceive and not, but then I wouldn't deprive anyone the blessings that come from our trials or the blessing of adoption either. So I guess Heavenly Father knows what he's doing :) This is called the Plan of Happiness!"

Hopefully things will keep progressing as we try to find our baby. We'll be making our cards hopefully this week! If any of you would be willing to take some to pass out, please email me! Thanks!

Have a great week everyone!

So sweet

2010-02-03T06:12:00.000-08:00

I have to admit we were both expecting at least a few rude/insensitive people once we announced our plans to adopt, but we have been proven wrong! Everyone has been so sweet! Every day someone else says something encouraging and sweet about our adoption plans. We couldn't be more grateful!

Being proactive and excited! :)

2010-02-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

It's February and January proved to be a very busy month. Over the past week we've gotten a lot of projects started to help us find our little baby. We get so excited with each new outreach to find them! Last week I talked to our first contact (we'll see if it leads anywhere!) and it was great practice in talking about what Gavin and I are doing. We also created this blog. Just having this blog makes me feel closer to our little one and the amazing birth mom we will get to meet someday! We love them both so much and can't wait to meet them! It's weird, to love 2 people you've never met. But we believe that birth mothers some of the most selfless people we've ever met or been priviledged to learn more about. We're in awe of them, seriously. We'll be creating a facebook group this week and designing our pass along cards! We're also shopping for a neutral infant carseat. How we've longed to be parents! We're so grateful for this experience. We cannot even describe all that we have learned throughout this nor the feelings of love we have felt from our Heavenly Father, for each other, and for these 2 amazing people that will be entering our lives.

Can't wait to share more news! Hope you all have a great week!

Birth Parent Letter

2010-01-27T22:52:00.000-08:00

Dear Friend,

We are truly grateful that you would consider placing your child with us by learning more about our family. We think of you often. Wondering who you are and what you are like. We are constantly praying for you as we can’t possibly understand all that you are going through. We hope that the Spirit of the Lord will be with you and comfort you.

Well a little about us… we have been married for a blissful four and a half years. We met at a high school dance and became best friends. Since we have only grown closer and closer with each day. Some people say we still look newlywed, whatever that means. We love making each other laugh and can’t seem to learn enough about each other, which is one of our favorite things to do. We love doing just about anything as long as were together. Hiking, camping, sports of all kinds, cooking, cleaning, playing games, road trips… etc. If we’re together then we are having a good time.

We are very involved with our extended families. I think sometimes Shauna is better friends with my own cousins. We enjoy getting to visit our siblings and parents on a weekly basis. We love getting to play with our nieces and nephews and feel no burden at all taking them off their parent’s hands.

We have tried to build our home so that the Spirit of the Lord can constantly be there. We have believed that the Spirit is the greatest teacher and we love to learn. We are constantly building a library of books of many different subjects. We both value education and feel that we can never learn enough. Your child will be brought up in a home of love and support, and will be taught of the great sacrifice and love that you have for them.

Well let me tell you about Shauna. She is someone that you meet and can’t not fall in love with, it just can’t happen. She has such a loving personality and has the most caring heart. Constantly when we are driving and see someone off to the side of the road she gives me the look or says “do you think that they are ok” knowing that if she says that I will turn around and see. She is the type of person that will always be there to put her arm around you. She has a lot of energy and puts it to good use. Shauna is very, very, creative. She loves taking pictures, painting, sewing, making cards, cooking, and pretty much anything that she can do to create something. She has set many goals for her life, one being to get her bachelor’s degree in English. She is someone that won’t accept anything but her best. Shauna has the greatest faith in her Father in Heaven. She is constantly telling me of how He has answered another one of her prayers, even if it was the smallest thing. She never forgets it was Him that made it possible. She seems to be able to push everyone she comes in contact with to be their very best self. I truly love her with all my heart.

I could write pages about Gavin, but I'll try not to. He is the most wonderful person I know or have ever met. And I'm not just saying that because he's my husband! To me, he personifies the scripture "slow to anger" and is one of the most humble people I know. He has a deep love for his Savior and it shows in his kindness and gentleness. He's a very hard worker. He's worked hard to get into BYU for his bachelor's degree and is now working on his master's degree there. He is very service minded. He cares about the families he home teaches very much and strives to fulfill his calling as a home teacher. He always volunteers us to clean the church, he just loves to help! He's not a chatterbox but definitely opens up more the more he gets to know you. He's very thoughtful. He always thinks about what he says before he says it because he never wants to hurt anyone’s feelings. He's always there with a hug for me at the end of the day or to rub my head when I'm stressed. During our 4.5 years of being married I have never felt harshness, resentment, or bitterness of any kind from him while we explored my fertility problems. We’re the same on a lot of things but our differences enrich our friendship. We’re best friends and love to pal around on adventures. A couple of other facts about Gavin are that he loves airplanes and college football. He’s also a handy man which I greatly appreciate! He’s quick to fix things and also loves taking things apart. He’s very excited to work in his chosen field of Mechanical Engineering. I love him so much. He's my best friend and I feel very blessed to be married to him.

We both are very excited about the whole adoption process and have felt Heavenly Father’s spirit in every step we have taken. We can’t wait to meet you and get you know you better. We love you and again pray that Heavenly Father will be with you.

Love,

Gavin and Shauna